"Please....."

There was an interesting discussion on the radio today about parents disciplining, er asking, their kids by using the word "Please."  One example from a caller was listening to a mom at a restaurant telling, er asking, her five-year old, "Please don't bite me again."  Wait!  The kid bit his mother and the mom asked him not to do it again??????  Other callers phoned in with similar stories.

I was reminded of an episode last summer when Karen and I were out.  There were some little kids in attendance and, generally, I love the little ones.  But I can't stand when they play with other people's, kids or other otherwise, hats.  Playing with hats--knocking them off, playing keep-away, etc.--is an invitation to trouble.  It has always been one.  Besides, it's rude behavior.  When my hat became the object of attention, I drew the line, stopped playing, and told the kid to knock it off.  With her parent and grandparent sitting right there, saying nothing, not a word, she continued.  More forcefully, I ordered her to quit.  That not only did no good--eliciting still not a peep from those who should have been disciplining her--but led her to try to take my glasses.  I could just see those frames being bent out of shape.  So, I grabbed her, stiffly, looked right at the do-nothing parent and grandparent and asked, "Can I smack her?"  I meant it, but they just laughed and told her to stand by them, which she did, for about 10 seconds.  When she started lurking again, I went and got Karen and said, "I'm going."  Of course, the comments were mostly, "What's wrong with Ron?"

I suppose there's something to be said about, perhaps, asking politely, "Please stop that."  After once, maybe, that's enough; then it's time to demand (not smile demurely like the kid's behavior is "Oh so cute!") behavior.  Imagine, as the radio host did, the Ten Commandments reading, "Please don't steal" or "Please don't kill."  Perhaps a "Pretty please" might be more effective.

Related is the current trend, even in schools, of asking kids, "Was that a good choice?"  The kid has to be thinking, "Let's see......  I got what I wanted and I haven't been disciplined for doing it other than being asked this question.  Of course it was a good choice--and I'm going to make it again."

Why is there such a loathing to discipline?  Are parents afraid of their kids?  Do they fear risking the dislike of them?  What about the old adage, "Your kids aren't going to like you anyway, so just do what's right.?"  Is this about egalitarianism, that we (parents and children) are all equals among equals?  I suppose I was never an equal as a kid, esp not after my dad's belt came off!  "Belt?"  How Neanderthal!  Maybe that's why I turned out so rotten.  Sure, for a few minutes, my dad wasn't my favorite person.  It didn't take long before I figured out that I deserved what I got and my dislike soon dissipated; that is, I forgot how "mean" my dad was.  I don't at all feel scarred, psychologically or in any ways, by getting the strap every once in a while.  Note, I wrote, "every once in a while."  It didn't happen often; I may be stupid, but I'm not dumb!

I don't (or at least try not to) tell others how to raise their kids.  I'm not so sure I did a bang-up job with that (or am doing one now).  More, it's not my business to tell parents what to do; they aren't my kids.  But, with others' kids, I can pack up and go home.

An article in today's newspaper stressed the increased importance of reading, namely in the lives of our children.  It's so important the article calls the lack of literacy "life-threatening."  Two subsequent op-eds are related to this one.  One cites the dismal record of Michigan in reaching acceptable reading levels; if not at the very bottom, the state is very close to it.  The other, from an education-type, offers "solutions."  I didn't read the whole op-ed, but I did note "more assessment" as one step.  Right, just what we need--more tests.  When are we going to realize we have to get rid of the education-types to see any improvement?  Of course, I don't want the corporate-types or the politicians each with their own greedy tentacles reaching for what they want making reforms, either.  I do have some ideas and have thrown them out there--and in the schools--but, as usual, they fall upon mostly deaf ears.  In the end, though, I'm not sure I have an answer.

BTW, if reading is so important, indeed crucial, can we expect a huge cultural shift--from kids watching television and playing video games to reading books??????  Yep, that's probably just round the corner.  Maybe a smart financial move would be to start buying stock in children's book publishers??????